Thursday, May 30, 2013

As the sun came out

As the sun came out...
There was a girl called Megan and she did not like the sun going down. She was very scared when the sun came down. So Megan thought she could travel around the world and find the sun so she does not get scared.
Megan went to pack her stuff so she could find a house  when she is tired. She went to stay at a hotel! because it is worm inside the hotel. She loves to do reading and doing a race and she is always the winner. When she packs her stuff she went back and she saw the sun came out.
By Adelei


  1. Hi Adelei

    Great writing!
    I like the start of your story where you introduce the character and a little bit about her personality.
    You have told us lot's of detail about the character Megan.
    Can you proofread your writing for me and check the spelling of "worm" and your use of exclamations marks.

    From Mrs Natusch

  2. To Adelei,
    Great job and I like how you have used the idea of the sun setting in different parts of the world at different times. Did you know that New Zealand is the first to see the sun?
    I have got an unanswered question with your story. As a reader I am left wondering why Megan is so scared of the sun going down that she has to chase it around the world.
    From Mrs Head
    PS: Don't forget to proof read your writing. You have got worm instead of warm. I wouldn't want to sleep in a worm hotel!

  3. To Mrs Head

    I might proof read it at home tonight.
    Why is new zealand the first to see the sun?
    Did you know megan is really scared of the dark.

    From Adelei